The Pros and Cons of One-Sided Lovemaking
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The best relationships involve two people who mutually respect one another and geniunely care about the needs of the other person. Relationships can quickly become one-sided when one person gets his or her way all of the time and the other individual feels unappreciated. This can manifest in many different ways, but one of the most frustrating is when the physical act of love serves to suit only one person’s needs. It’s called one-sided lovemaking.
How Can Closeness be One-Sided?
It seems strange that closeness with a partner can be one-sided since it is something that requires two people. It is possible. It may be that one partner always reaches excitement, but the other does not. This could make one partner feel unimportant. It could also mean that one partner is constantly initiating the physical act of love, but the other does not. This may make one partner feel unattractive or unloved.
The Pros and Cons of One-Sided Lovemaking
There are not many positives to one-sided lovemaking, though there are some situations in which a few instances can benefit a relationship. Consistent one-sided relations are often negative for relationships. The person who is satisfied with their closeness might not care if the person who is not satisfied is happy, and the person who is not happy with the physical relationship may feel vulnerable and used.
Dr. Aaron Ben-Zeév is a professor of philosophy at the University of Haifa. He theorizes that there are three ways in which the physical act of love can become one-sided. It is important to work with your partner to discuss the issue if you recognize these situations in your own relationship.
Pity
Sometimes a person may be close with another person when they feel sorry for them. A man or woman might think that they are doing a nice thing by allowing someone to use them for pleasure. This can be an isolated incident, but it’s often common in long-standing relationships in an effort keep the relationship going. Dr. Ben-Zeév notes that it is often a woman who will give in to a partner for this reason. RELATED ARTICLE: 15 Hidden Signs She Is Using You
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Charity
Closeness for charity is one of the situations that can actually benefit the relationship. Even through one person is not enjoying the act, he or she is not abused in any way. Consenting the physical act of love even though you don’t feel like it at the moment can be a way to show that you care about your partner’s needs. Of course, if every session occurs for this reason, there may be a deeper problem with the relationship.
Peace
Closeness for the sake of a peaceful relationship can be the most damaging. Dr. Ben-Zeév explains that this type of love is only meant to keep the relationship going. People who do this may fear that they will lose their partner if they do not give in to the physical act of love on a regular basis, and this does not make for a trusting union.
Conclusion
It is hard to avoid one-sided lovemaking throughout the course of an extended relationship. Instances of love for charity every once in a while show a willingness to meet a partner’s needs. If this goes on for too long, or if every session feels one-sided, then the relationship may suffer.
Men and women who feel that they may be taking advantage of their partners may need to talk to their loved one to ask what they can do to make closeness a better experience. Partners who are participating in the physical act of love and are not enjoying it should also tell their partners how they feel.
In many instances, the other person may not even know that they are not satisfied! Dr. Jill Weber, a clinical psychologist, also suggests that a partner who does not enjoy closeness may need to take some time to reflect on why they are not enjoying the act.
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