Signs Your Marriage is On Shaky Ground
Marriage is a beautiful association of two imperfect souls coming together and sharing their love, future, and dreams. Some couples stay happy while some struggle to maintain their marriage, but are you really confused as to where your marriage is heading? Of course there must be some good times but as bad times start taking over you think about it. Its not that you should split or seek divorce but maybe it’s time to seek counselling and take corrective measures to save your marriage. Here are some signs that can help you know it’s the time you take your marital problems seriously:
• No love-making or going to bed separatelyAccording to psychotherapist Christina Steinorth-Powell, author of Cue Cards for Life, going to bed at different times leads to 3 situations, you miss the hot conversation before you dozing off together, you are less inclined to cuddle, and last but not least no love-making. Think about earlier times when you were crazy after each other and maybe even made love twice a day. So what happened? If the reasons are other than health issues or working opposite shifts it’s time you should worry.
• Sudden and/or extreme change in behaviorIf either of you have started behaving differently there may be some complications. This could be due to office pressure or some other stress. You need to address and discuss it with your spouse. Maybe they are upset or unhappy about your relationship and something is bothering him/her. These sudden changes are hard to handle and can make things go from bad to worse. Fix it ASAP.
• Uncertainty or doubt about your partnerOne major reason for split-ups is not hatred but lack of interest in your partner. Why would anybody leave his/her partner if they still have interest in them? Psychotherapist Mia Adler Ozair, author of Insider’s Secrets: How to Choose an Exceptional Therapist (and How to Avoid the Bad Ones) says “If a couple comes in and one of the partners says to me, ‘I hate him/her!’ I always say, ‘That’s great news!’ Hate is not the opposite of love… ambivalence is,” But if feelings are still alive (be it negative/positive) that means there is still some spark and you can change things completely.
• Kids attract you more than your spouseOne friend’s spouse always calls her just to ask about his daughter. They do not talk or ask about each other, this is odd. There is no doubt that children are a priority and we love them accordingly, but forgetting your spouse makes no sense. It’s important to balance things and help your children learn the importance of a healthy relationship, after all they learn what they see. Set good examples and keep things light.
• Lack of respect for each otherRespect is an important factor in any relationship, but what about when it’s gone? You start feeling rejected, ignored, dismissed, and scared. Things can get worse when your partner refuses to talk about it. This is the time you should make efforts to win back the respect your partner had for you in the beginning. Don’t react when he/she misbehaves, stay calm and act sensibly. Making a marriage work takes common sense, communication, and sometimes hard work.
• You stop arguingMore than fighting, when the fighting stops is a dangerous place for a relationship if the issues are not resolved. Every couple fights on some issues but when your partner stops arguing it’s a red flag. Valerie Jencks, founder and executive director of Prairie Family Therapy in Chicago says, “Arguments are !nt!mate. Physiologically, we become aroused with conflict requiring that we pay full attention to the person we are fighting with.” While we argue we stay connected to our partner, when we don’t argue, we lose touch and the connection with our partner.
If you notice these signs in your marriage don’t panic. Take some practical corrective measures to win back your loving relationship. A loving, stable, respectful relationship is worth all the work it takes to get there!
